Here we are 3652 days later. I’ve known this day was coming for five years, and it still feels a bit surreal if I’m being honest. After the 5th anniversary show, I had numbered our internal tracking document all the way to year ten and show 500. The title simply said “The End?” It was an initial placeholder to check my feelings and my Why behind the show.
As the years marched on, I began to feel like we were moving towards this day, and in the last two years, it became a real focus point to hold off burnout and complacency. At the same time, the Passing the Baton Leadership podcast has been a part of almost 25% of my life. I can count on my hands how many things in my life have been that consistent in my personal journey. That being said, all things must come to an end, and today marks the end of our weekly time together.
Today, we’ll spend our time looking at those people and places that come and go in your life journey. We’ll examine how to internalize those moments and opportunities to make yourself better, and the legacy that you leave behind through your intentions.
The Flame is Gone
James McClanahan was a guy that I met on my first day of intake at Ft Jackson Army Base. We were both 20 at the time – he was finishing up school to help lead a Unit Ministry Team in the Army Reserves. We were attending the same school, and not only were we assigned the same class, but we were also assigned as battle buddies, which means we’d be at each other’s hip for the next 10 weeks. As luck would have it, we were a perfect match. I enjoyed every minute with him. We worked out together, studied, and were the charismatic comedy duo for our classmates. In our 1680 hours together, I was away from him for about 20 hours total.
At the end of school, most people had family picking them up, or the military would take them to the airport. James asked if I could take him, and of course, it was a joy to do so. We arrived at the airport, and I got out to help him with his bags, give him a hug, and say goodbye.
I’ve never seen him or spoken to him since.
My thoughts and feelings on relationships changed dramatically during those 10 weeks. I realized, despite how important a person can be and how much they mean and invest in you, that they will always fade away. Sometimes you know – James and I had a very clear point in time when we would part ways. Sometimes it hits you as a surprise – I’ve talked about the sudden passing of my dad (Show 483) as well as a formidable mentor of mine, Paul Herman, over the years on the show.
In our illustration for today, I think of these people as a flame. They burn bright in your life, often providing light and warmth to you, but they can also hurt you and leave lasting scars. We recently had a question that was sent in to the show that basically asked, “Why should I invest in my co-workers, when at the end of the day, they will move on and I will never see them again? It feels fake and superficial, because if it were real, we’d keep in contact afterwards.”
Understanding how relationships are finite helped me put things in a healthy perspective to squeeze every last bit of value out of our time together.
Internalize and come to grips with the finite – This was the biggest growth point for me. When you make peace with the finite, it makes the end much easier to process. It also enhances the value along the way as well, because you aren’t hesitant or apprehensive in investing time, resources, and vulnerable moments with the other person.
Invest in your community – The flame not only represents people; it also includes places and communities. Leave all regrets behind and do your best to fully involve yourself in your community that you are a part of. Go to the seasonal festivals. Dine at the local restaurants, and become involved in civic and volunteer organizations. People are important, but so is the community that you live in.
Leave nothing for tomorrow – Think about those times when you knew a flame was going out – perhaps it was a close co-worker moving on to another role, your best friend graduating from school, and relocating to another area, or a person in your extracurricular circle who was calling it quits. Did you do anything different towards the end? Make an effort to be intentional in all your interactions. “Should of, Would of, and Could of,” are the enemies here. Assess what you should be, would be, and could be doing with others and begin acting on them. Start with those you see the most and then move on from there.
Be thankful and show appreciation – As our friend Lee Cockerell says, “Always show Appreciation, Recognition and Encouragement to others.” (Show 200) It works well to show appreciation at the opening and closing of conversations to set a nice tone. Your appreciation doesn’t have to be long or over the top; just taking the moment to recognize someone goes a long way.
Just because a relationship is finite doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t invest in it. I believe that it’s quite the opposite. You should be investing more because you don’t know how long you have it for. I had no regrets about my time with James. He was an incredible friend and like a brother to me during our time. I moved away from Paul to open a new business and was at peace with knowing that I wouldn’t see him every day anymore. We would see each other on occasion for the next few years following, and it always felt like bonus time – special, but not the same as before.
The Fire Remains
Thinking about people and places as flames that go out can be a bit depressing if the story ended there. Thankfully, the people and places that you interact with leave a lasting impression on you. They may be gone, but their impact lives on in you – that is the Fire that Remains.
Think about those previously in your life and how they may have influenced you. For me, a few examples include:
- My expressive reading style comes directly from James. We started doing it as a way to break up reading assignments in class to make them less boring and dull. Today, this is a key communication skill that I use nearly daily.
- My attention to detail comes in large part from Paul. My mentor taught me that minor things matter (Show 461). It really helped me dial in a skill that served me very well in life and in business.
- My love of art came from my Fine Arts teacher in high school.
- My love for camping came from my dad and the scouting movement.
- My passion for music comes from my family, friends, and later my college professors.
We’ve talked about legacy quite a bit over the years. It all drives us to some degree in what we do. This is how someone or someplace’s legacy lives on. It lives within you and shines when you go and make an impact on the world. If you have an opportunity, I would encourage you to reach out to one or two of those people over the next couple of weeks to let them know their impact on you. That affirmation and reminder may be just what the other person needs right now.
You are currently someone’s flame
At this point, we’ve looked at people and places’ impact on you. But the concept isn’t a one-way illustration – you are also currently the flame for someone else and a flame for your community.
How bright? How Hot? How bright you shine all depends on your intentionality. I had a mismatched flame while I lived in Tyler, Texas. I moved there to learn under Paul, but I didn’t get involved in the community like I should have. 10 months later, we were moving to another state. While my flame was bright in my personal relationships there, I was not intentional with the community. It was a spark at best. What do you want to show up more for? How do you want people to remember you? Even if you’ve been in a community or with a group of people for a long time, it’s never too late to bring more intention to your actions.
Reverse the Flame tips. The four tips above for your flame comes with the understanding of maximizing your takeaways and value from the other person and community. Now reflect on those tips from the perspective of pouring back into others. How you handle those tips from a receiver and a giver perspective may be a bit different.
No doubt, there is someone in your life relying on you for your influence right now. It may be a co-worker going through a hard time or learning a new role, someone in your personal life you are helping shape their identity, or someone in the community who is better off because of your intentions. Burn as bright and hot as you can while the circumstances are where they are.
What will you do with your dash?
A year after writing “The End?” as the placeholder for the show, I changed the name of the show to “The Dash” and, for four years, had planned to write an entirely different show focused on your personal legacy. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I made a last-minute pivot to focus on personal relationships and the concept of The Flame is Gone, the Fire Remains.
The dash is a callout to a tombstone. It shows your birthday and the day of your death, with only a dash separating the two. Your whole life story sits on that one character. While you can’t control either one of the dates, you do have full control of your dash.
No matter your lifestage, I encourage you to keep the legacy that you want to leave as a top-of-mind priority that drives how you show up in work and in life in general. Your community will be a better place because of you. Your business will be stronger because of your impact, and those that you care about will be better people because of you.
My greatest hope for this show and our time together is that even though the fire is going out on our weekly show, the flame of what we’ve done together over the last 10 years lives on in you. It’s the premise of the show since the beginning – today, we pass the baton on to you, our fellow baton-carrier, for you to pass on to others.
Make a better tomorrow.
-ZH
**** Thank you for 10 years! I have been so honored to be a part of the journey with you, whether you’ve been with us from the start or just joined us recently as a reader and/or listener. You’ll still be able to find all of our show’s written content at Passingthebatonpodcast.com and a curated list at zackhudson.com. Neha and I have already been in talks on what the future of PTB looks like, and while we aren’t ready to share details yet, we do know a couple of things. – I’m taking a writing sabbatical after 10 years without a break, and we are excited to see what a new format could look like in the future.
